I jumped off my last zoom call at 6:30pm. I’d had a great day working with my teachers online and planning with my team. My feet were hot and ready—bag packed with all the latest accessories of gloves and masks. And then it happened. My Back decided to tell me a hilarious joke and it went like this:

I went to reach for my jeans, and I heard an invitation to mingle on the right hip.

Oh—what was that? Who? And It answered “Back”

With a bigger twitch as if it was a side-chick, mad for not getting a call ‘Back’

What? Don’t do this? Not now… I am trying to go outside and catch my breath.

Back answered… You ain’t going nowhere.

But why? Why are you showing up and showing out like this?

Back shouted… You know darn well you can’t be sitting on “Me” all day and not put your Back in motion. And when this week did you wag your tail in Downward Dog?

You played yourself!

You see this is not the first time It has shown up. I have owned my own business for the past 12 years and my office is my home. A few years ago, as a result of the constant travel my Back was not having it. I took the time, did my research. First, I purchased a standing desk! Then I learned how to downward dog in a local yoga studio. And then Sistahs I went all in. That’s right I joined a Hot Yoga Studio. You want to know what I did with the hair—don’t you? Well! okay if you insist. I Braided it up, put rubber bands on the end and saw it as the opportunity to bond with my white Sistahs.

To be even more honest — for years, I resisted yoga and all that Zen crap. Why? I am a “fighter” and I have been claiming that stance for a while. I love to box. When I was in middle school my Mom got me a notebook with Ali on the cover and his famous “…float like a butterfly and sting like a bee poem”—changed my life. To this day I still marvel at the idea of being able to float like a butterfly. And after a rewarding but often long day of sales meetings, strategic planning sessions, curriculum development meetings, staff meetings and working the business — I relished coming home to go 10 rounds with my bag. You see, I didn’t want to try anything new and to be honest I didn’t see yoga as a ‘real’ workout.

However, the Back, the side-chick, was demanding that I pay attention to it.

Since I had worked out most of my life, I knew the value of learning form and function. It was also a blessing that the owners of the Hot Yoga Journeys Studio had a commitment to helping members understand the journey and encouraging you to not leave the hot room and lay on the mat—that’s right you heard me— lay on the mat. At first, I couldn’t follow the moves, and what exactly are they calling these poses? Tria? Trik-a-who? How do you spell that? Trikaonasana? Oh, that is a hard one to spell, like pneumonia. Off course I couldn’t help but marvel at the other yogis who could yoke their body, and the heat was no match for even Keith Sweat at the end of a dance party.

However, my Back wouldn’t allow me to quit and it even went so far as to demand that I put down a heating pad on my bed to make ‘It’ more comfortable when I went to sleep and like the side-chick it was, It even wanted me to spend money on fancy hot rubs from the pharmacy. You know! The ones that you are obligated to smell only when married.

After a year of hot yoga, I found my space—I was able to do my poses and on days that I didn’t have it in me I would lay on the rug with ease and confidence. I could do my Downward Dog and wag my tail in every direction. And when I saw the awesome photos of the beautiful Duchess of Sussex Meghan Markle doing her sun-salutations, I was motivated and ready to keep growing. And then I got my breast cancer diagnosis—what?

Well, I thought that I went into yoga for my back, but it turned out it was the Creator’s way of preparing me for the next fight. It was the techniques I learned in my yoga class that got me through my cancer treatment.

Let me put it plain words—when you were a baby, everybody got to see your stuff when they changed your pampers. In fact, you would run around your house naked and the smiles on everyone’s face served to cheer you on and then you would show your rear. However, you weren’t born with breasts, and so the mental and in-grained beliefs about modesty are pushed on you. When you have to go through breast cancer treatment—girlfriend you gotta be okay with showing your coconuts. Yours tatas, chachas, buttons, bonbons, boobies, bra stuffers etc. Did you know that there are over 300 words for breasts?

How did I get through it? First lesson I learned from my Sistah Marilyn Monroe. When they asked her how did she manage taking all those photos with nothing on? With poise and presence, she replied—”I wasn’t naked I had the radio on.” You don’t have to be cool 2 rule my world put a smile on my face during treatment and also after, as I greeted the wonderful man in my life, who came everyday, and waited for me in the parking lot since he was not admitted in the building due to COVID-19. I was thankful for the team at Northwell who during a pandemic showed up for me, their motto should be Go Big Go North. And on my final treatment the team played Pomp and Circumstance for me.

Second lesson—the breath. The breath that I had learned in yoga which gave me permission to not rush and lay on the mat—saved my spirit. You can only lay on the mat if you are willing to let the ego go! That means you are ready to accept help. And in my case, it was a relief to let go of the ego because this is not my domain.

As I laid in all the different positions, I came to the awareness that I have already claimed my territory and the victory of fixing math education. Let go — enjoy the blessing of witnessing someone else be the expert in their field — giving myself permission to take the air in allowed me to see that I was just passing through. Most importantly, it proved to me that I have the Will and Power to push life and energy to places and spaces in my mind and body.

I am now willing to let go of the title, “I am a fighter”. Why? Well, I realize the victory that I am fighting to change how we love our children and youth is already won. I don’t know all the moves but isn’t that what faith is all about — trust. Don’t worry — I have a lot of fight left in me and can call upon it anytime it is needed. All I have to do is take a deep breath.

Do you know when to sheath and unsheath your sword?

Beloved, I am up at 3:00am. I am sitting in my bed with my legs crossed in butterfly with my journal. (Dr. B. did you say 3am? Yes, I journal at 3am. Who can sleep when they are pre-menopausal? That’s a different journal entry—stay tuned.)

That Back, the side chick, is quiet right now. I have already laid out my yoga clothes. I am setting my intention on wagging my tail in the morning. And, I am going to pour a cup of compassion and sip it slowly—my body is still healing, and I will relish laying on my pink mat if and when I need to.

Sistahs and Brothers, if you’re doing the endless video conferencing calls—let go of the ego. Stop and call a friend or member of your tribe and share with them what body part of yours is telling you a hilarious joke today.